On Grief and Inspector Morse

On Anxiety

This month’s newsletter is brought to you by Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie. That is my normal state, more or less. I am used to deep anxiety about illness and injury. But when I am especially stressed or, as it happens, grieving, it tends to ramp up.

I was talking to a friend the other day about my love of murder mysteries, and she asked if the mystery had to be based in murder for me to enjoy it. To her, she said, the violence and sadness of the premise upsets her. I find this admirable! And I answered that no—an interesting theft or a missing person who is found intrigues me as well—anything that will reveal secrets and insights about the characters as the mystery unfolds. But as I wrote in April’s newsletter, the tension between the darkness and lightness speaks to the darkness in me. It is a conduit, an outlet, for my anxieties. Somedays, I am the Queen of Dark Thoughts. Other days, I am filled with the aching joy of being an observant animal in the world. One can be both Irrepressible Thoughts of Death Barbie and Beach Ken.

Truthfully, I wonder sometimes if I am kidding myself. Maybe my obsession with murder mysteries is actually fueling my anxiety. Maybe I am indulging in my fears and worries. What anxious people will not often be honest about is that after a while anxiety becomes comfortable. I hardly know who I would be without it.

On Storytelling

I have been thinking about, and grieving, my grandparents recently. I’ve lost them both now, my grandma and grandpa, who made the summers of my childhood a seaside haven of joy and stories. They were both intellectuals who loved to read. In addition to history and classic literature, my grandma loved murder mysteries. According to my mom, she loved them more as she got older. Her house was full of paperback mysteries: Agatha Christie, Dorothy L. Sayers, and all their disciples. I can see her tucked up in her big and elegant blue chair, facing the window so she could look out at the sea, paperback in hand.

The view of the sea from my grandparents’ house

As a kid and teenager, I would flop on the couch next to her, and she would look up from her book. She would talk to me about feminism, politics, literature. I wish I had asked her more about her love of mysteries, but my own obsession with them had only just started to percolate. I curiously read a few of her recommendations over those summers—cozy mysteries with romances and family dramas tucked up inside them. Grandma was a kind and curious person with a vast internal world, and she was smarter than almost everyone she knew. Maybe the mix of light and dark spoke to her as well. Anxiety runs in the family, as most things do.

Mom tells me that Grandma loved cozy mysteries most, more than the noir she also read on occasion. She liked puzzles, characters, and clever dialogue. Mom says she also loved to watch Masterpiece Mystery shows on PBS. Those are mostly British imports from the BBC. I like those too: the contemporary ones like Grantchester and Endeavour. In the ‘80s and ‘90s, Mom and Grandma loved Inspector Morse.¹ I ask if Grandma also watched American shows like Columbo or Murder She Wrote and Mom says no, she never watched network TV. This is hilarious to me. Grandma had very particular taste, and like me, apparently preferred the vibe of the cozy-ish British mystery.

In an effort to feel closer to her, I’ve been watching Inspector Morse too. Based on a series of books by Colin Dexter, the series started in 1987. Morse, played by John Thaw, is the beloved character who was revived in the prequel series Endeavour. He solves murders in Oxford, with the rich inner workings of the University as the backdrop to many of the crimes. Although it is dated in some ways, the show seems to be the blueprint for many of my favorite mysteries of the last few years. A new season of The Chelsea Detective came out last week, and I gasped with delight. Oh to swim in those calm blue colors, boathouse settings, and gentle humor! The Chelsea Detective is more modern in terms of pacing and some politics, but the influence of Inspector Morse is clear.

The best part about Inspector Morse is the character. He’s charismatic in his grouchiness and has a subtle sadness beneath his swagger. He dates a new beautiful woman—usually involved in the murder—in almost every episode, like a detective Captain Kirk. The actor who plays his younger self in Endeavour, Shaun Evans, does a good job with the character, but he’s missing some of the swagger and goofiness that Thaw had. However, I like the idea that as one gets older it is possible to shed some melancholy and lean into charisma.

Grief is a strange thing. It pops up when you aren’t prepared and wallops you. My grandma passed away five years ago, but when I lost my grandpa this year, my grief expanded and ballooned around both of them. They have both been swirling around me recently. Time collapses, and as a I get older, I feel more like my child self. I wish I had more time with them, as you always do. But at least I have stories to connect us. With my grandpa it was politics, current events, family stories. With grandma it was also fiction, and maybe my love of mysteries has always been about her.

Me, Grandma, and my little brother at our farm in Maine, 1996

End Thoughts

Only Murders In The Building is back with season three! I love this one—it is genuinely funny, intriguing, and sweet. It has fantastic costumes and sets, which adds to the fantasy of the world. In addition to Steven Martin, Martin Short, and Selena Gomez, this new season guest stars Paul Rudd and Meryl Streep, who are as fantastic as ever. Halfway through the season, my impressions are that the mystery plot itself has taken a backseat to character stories, but I can hardly complain, when those character stories are so well done. It’s also in my favorite category of mystery: the amateur detective, or in this case, detectives. I love a mystery where the lead is not a cop. You can watch it on Hulu and I highly recommend it—it’s like a warm cup of cider on a fall day.

A programming note: I am heading into the busy season of my job as I am teaching several classes this fall, so there may be a hiatus on this newsletter until the new year. I’m hopeful I can give you a few quick updates and recommendations for fall mystery watching, but the meatier topics I have simmering will have to wait.

Thanks for reading, friends! May your autumn be full of stories, and not too much dread.

1. You can watch it all on BritBox!